celebrating life through death.

September 5, 2008


Dear friends and family,

Just wanted to let you all know my mother in law Barbara made her transition today at 12:10 p.m.–– in the comfort of her home in her own bed. She quietly stopped breathing after only 4 days of being bed ridden and not really communicating. Up until then she has been very " dialed in " so to speak, for the past 5 months and only in and out of lucidity the past few weeks, maintaining her humor, her class, and her amazing vocabulary.

After being diagnosed March 22nd ( just 5 months ago) with stage 4 breast cancer, she chose to stay at home and not accept anything other than pain management. She was choosing a more simple and natural way to exit.
Hospice moved in right away and we began the amazing journey of "home death".

The most special memories of my relationship with her at this moment now are of the past 5 months and how she allowed me to support her in her dying process. We had numerous, sweet and precious conversations and moments of quiet honoring, reflection, memories, and appreciation of each other.

I noticed each day of being with her, the life force gradually leaving her physical body, yet as that was taking place I could see the the protection and armor she had created around her heart over the last 83 years beginning to dissolve, and her spirit began to unfold, grow and expand. The most beautiful part was that she allowed herself to freely share that expanding sprit with me, which had never happened in our relationship of 29 years–– what a gift!

She began to let go of judgement, criticism, fear, and anger, and step into trust, humility, love, openness, and sharing her feelings. She began to embrace, acknowledge and honor those around her. She had the courage to forgive, and forget, and be in gratitude for others and what they had contributed to her life, as well as be in gratitude for her own life as she had lived it. This took every ounce of courage she had, and yet she knew on some level it was what she must do if she wanted to move on from this party, and she was indeed ready to move on to her next phase of life as quickly as possible!

She opened up to the fear of the disease and her death, and finally let go of her life here as she has known it ( what a frightening thing to do). This takes the most courage I think we will ever have to have. The courage to LET GO OF OUR LIFE! Yet a lot easier when we can embrace our life wherever we are at that moment.

I honor Barbara and thank her for the gift she gave to me, to experience her heart and her inner beauty in these past 5 months. I will be forever changed and grateful to her for that, what an honor!

The question I hold in my heart at this moment is why do we tend to wait until our death to start living from that place of opening , sharing, forgiving, and loving everyone?
Could we instead begin to dissolve ( let go) of the fortress we build around our hearts so we can then fully ( jump in) and live....... before the disease is diagnosed, the accident happens, or the relationships begin to crumble?

I feel such gratitude in my heart for this beauty Barbara let me see in her she had never revealed to me before, and the humility she had to let me care for her and assist her in her death. This experience has reminded me to daily open up and let my inner beauty and heart light out to every person I encounter, as well as look for that in others. It is what we truly deserve to give to each other, not later...... but NOW!

I celebrate Barabara and her courage to let go, trust, and open up to her heart. I choose to believe she is now gracefully and joyfully dancing with Buck, her husband who has been waiting for her for 42 years. I believe she is free from the limitations she had here, and that her heart is continuing to open..... now that is cause for celebration!

I thank you for your support and I treasure and love you all! I am grateful for the heart light you share with me and my family, it contributes to who we all are and the richness and celebration of our lives!

In gratitude for "letting go" so that we may fully live!