celebrating life through death.

September 5, 2008


Dear friends and family,

Just wanted to let you all know my mother in law Barbara made her transition today at 12:10 p.m.–– in the comfort of her home in her own bed. She quietly stopped breathing after only 4 days of being bed ridden and not really communicating. Up until then she has been very " dialed in " so to speak, for the past 5 months and only in and out of lucidity the past few weeks, maintaining her humor, her class, and her amazing vocabulary.

After being diagnosed March 22nd ( just 5 months ago) with stage 4 breast cancer, she chose to stay at home and not accept anything other than pain management. She was choosing a more simple and natural way to exit.
Hospice moved in right away and we began the amazing journey of "home death".

The most special memories of my relationship with her at this moment now are of the past 5 months and how she allowed me to support her in her dying process. We had numerous, sweet and precious conversations and moments of quiet honoring, reflection, memories, and appreciation of each other.

I noticed each day of being with her, the life force gradually leaving her physical body, yet as that was taking place I could see the the protection and armor she had created around her heart over the last 83 years beginning to dissolve, and her spirit began to unfold, grow and expand. The most beautiful part was that she allowed herself to freely share that expanding sprit with me, which had never happened in our relationship of 29 years–– what a gift!

She began to let go of judgement, criticism, fear, and anger, and step into trust, humility, love, openness, and sharing her feelings. She began to embrace, acknowledge and honor those around her. She had the courage to forgive, and forget, and be in gratitude for others and what they had contributed to her life, as well as be in gratitude for her own life as she had lived it. This took every ounce of courage she had, and yet she knew on some level it was what she must do if she wanted to move on from this party, and she was indeed ready to move on to her next phase of life as quickly as possible!

She opened up to the fear of the disease and her death, and finally let go of her life here as she has known it ( what a frightening thing to do). This takes the most courage I think we will ever have to have. The courage to LET GO OF OUR LIFE! Yet a lot easier when we can embrace our life wherever we are at that moment.

I honor Barbara and thank her for the gift she gave to me, to experience her heart and her inner beauty in these past 5 months. I will be forever changed and grateful to her for that, what an honor!

The question I hold in my heart at this moment is why do we tend to wait until our death to start living from that place of opening , sharing, forgiving, and loving everyone?
Could we instead begin to dissolve ( let go) of the fortress we build around our hearts so we can then fully ( jump in) and live....... before the disease is diagnosed, the accident happens, or the relationships begin to crumble?

I feel such gratitude in my heart for this beauty Barbara let me see in her she had never revealed to me before, and the humility she had to let me care for her and assist her in her death. This experience has reminded me to daily open up and let my inner beauty and heart light out to every person I encounter, as well as look for that in others. It is what we truly deserve to give to each other, not later...... but NOW!

I celebrate Barabara and her courage to let go, trust, and open up to her heart. I choose to believe she is now gracefully and joyfully dancing with Buck, her husband who has been waiting for her for 42 years. I believe she is free from the limitations she had here, and that her heart is continuing to open..... now that is cause for celebration!

I thank you for your support and I treasure and love you all! I am grateful for the heart light you share with me and my family, it contributes to who we all are and the richness and celebration of our lives!

In gratitude for "letting go" so that we may fully live!

Celebrating Firsts... Embracing Lasts

So, many of us just celebrated Mother's Day, and for some it may have been the same traditional celebration.

Breakfast in Bed
Brunch at the Country Club or your favorite restaurant
Church with the family
Dinner at Grandmas
Picnic at the park or beach
A hike or bike ride in nature
Sleeping in bed and getting pampered at a spa

In the past this describes many a mothers day celebration that we have had in our family, and yet for us this year we experienced something that was definitely a first and are doing our best to embrace the finality of it.

My mother-in-law Barbara was just diagnosed 4 weeks ago with stage 4 breast and bone cancer and is embracing that this was her last mother's day. I guess there is always that chance that something will change, or the diagnosis is wrong, or the miracle healing will occur, and for Barbara she is facing each day now with the reality of lasts, embracing, truly hoping that this happens fast, being o.k. with the daunting truth and the current realities of lasts.

This is the last time I will:

go to movie
ride a bus
come to see the girls preform at school
fix my own food in my kitchen
go to the doctor, hospice has now moved in.
go to the mailbox
shower by my self
feed myself
sleep in my own bed of 25 years, the hospital bed just arrived.

I share this with you to not sound morbid or depressing but to share with you what is amazing about this whole entry. As we experienced our first mothers day knowing it will be the last mothers day with Barbara, she is embracing the fact that this is her last. She is ready to go, she is in gratitude for her life as it has been, for her children, and all the people around her that want to be there to usher her out, she is grateful and ready to move on.

As the lasts get more frequent for her every day, it causes me to stop and be present to all of the things each day that I take for granted. It causes me to have the desire to consciously each day, create more firsts, celebrate the firsts and amp up the firsts, especially at 50. Why should the firsts begin to lessen?

Here are some I am looking to create and celebrate this summer:

• Doing headstands in public places, just because I can and it sounds crazy and fun.
• Going on a beach summer vacation with our girls on a plane.
• Facilitating yoga experiences for abused women.
• Creating a neighborhood block party and inviting ALL of our neighbors, especially those we have never even seen.
• Sending a media packet to Oprah
• Driving with my baby Sophie, now 15, who will be practicing and honing her driving skills.

The following firsts I will also truly celebrate because I feel it is a gift and honor, and know they will also be lasts.

• Assisting Barbara to the bathroom while managing her oxygen tube.
• Making her food
• Cleaning her house
• Doing her laundry
• Holding her hands and talking, while compassionately looking into her tear filled eyes.
• Listening deeply from my heart about how she feels about dying.

As for the lasts, well I am still working on embracing those, I have not quite gotten to the level of detachment where I can embrace that this is the last time I will look into those eyes, the last time I will kiss her cheek, the last time we will laugh together, yet each day as she is embracing them, it is assisting us all to do the same.

Celebrating firsts.... Embracing lasts,

What a gift you are giving us all.

Happy Mother's Day Barbara, we love you, and thank you!

Cynthia

"Beauty is all around us.... Beauty is all inside of us" Majik

Power Yoga on the Edge

I just had the privilege of spending last weekend with an amazing yoga master by the name of Bryan Kest.
Over 100 passionate yogi's ( practitioners of yoga) from the Salt Lake valley came together for three days to participate in his power yoga workshop.

The event was an amazing combination of focusing on our strength, stamina, and determination on all levels, as well as exploring our surrendering, gentleness, gratitude, and purity and openness of heart'

I realize when I am teaching yoga how completely focused I am on my students in class, ( goes without saying) and when I become the student, how much more difficult the practice is when I am completely focused on the practice, my body, breath and the whole experience on my mat.

This past weekend I was taken to the edges of my power, my inner power, my clarity of mind, my ability to let go, surrender, trust and completely be in the moment to the point that I totally lost track of space and time. I was there so present to my breath and in my body that at times I could not even discern the difference between my body, mind and heart, it all became one, like yoking back to the oneness of my mind, spirit and body.

I have known for years that the word yoga is derived from the sanskrit word "YUJ" which means to unite, yolk back, to become one.
I have just never experienced going to the those edges of that oneness like I did with Bryan and this community of passionate spiritual beings.

Going to this place with 100 other people was such a new experience, where the energy in the room was electrifying, alive, and vibrating, and by the last day as we sat in a 24 minute meditation of becoming centered, letting gratitude bleed from our hearts, and tears of compassion flow down our face, we had not only changed the chemistry and cellular makeup of our bodies, we had also altered our hearts and shifted the consciousness on this planet.

Thank you for your gift to this community Bryan,

Namaste',

Cynthia

A wonderful gift giveaway

Internet launch campaign is blazing a trail!

Well, we are on day 3 of our first internet marketing campaign and it has been a blast!
Our e-book and audio on "Breaking the Knee-Jerk Habit, Discovering the Power of Responding" has been downloaded by over 150 people now, that tells me there is obviously a charge around this topic, huh?

There are so many diverse and incredible e-products available from our coaching group in this campaign, it has been an awesome experience!
One of the things I have loved the most is offering all of this for free! You just don't see this very often on the web. I feel this is the first campaign of its kind where so many e-products are offered from one campaign and there is no catch.I love being part of something that is spreading the wealth, especially when it is the wealth of valuable and life altering information.

If you have not checked out the link and downloaded your favorites from this do so now, while this offer is still on.
http://www.kathleengage.com/jvplatinum.htm

Pay it Forward Launch, April 1st

Hello Friends of the Heart:

We are sharing some exciting news with all of you of being just 1 day away from participating in our first joint venture (JV) launch with a group of wonderful people, called the Platinum Team, which consists of 10 successful and talented business professionals, whom we have had the pleasure of working with for the past 6 months, along with our incredible internet marketing coach, Kathleen Gage.

We all have decided to share our special insights, skills, talents, expertise, knowledge and wisdom with all who desire to learn more about: living from the heart, authentic selling, how to feel hot and healthy in your body 365 days of the year, taking the mystery out of marketing your business and much more. This is kind of a first time ever done "pay it forward thing," as we have all gained so much from each other in our work together the past 6 months, we now all want to pass that on.

Each and every one of our creative FREE e-products could support you in some powerful way in different areas of your business and or your personal life, as well.

Please take 2+ minutes to view the ”You Tube” video that has been created by one of our talented team members.

http://www.youtube.com:80/watch?v=fmqja8yp804

The Joint Venture is set to launch on April 1st. The exciting product we are giving away, which you will want to be sure and receive, is a free e-book and companion MP3 recording on Breaking the Knee-Jerk Habit, Discovering the Power of Responding. We were inspired to write this to assist others in waking up to the habitual patterns of Reacting in life that are coming from the disempowering beliefs they have about themselves, and beginning to make different choices from a place of forgiveness, patience, acceptance, understanding and love. You will particularly enjoy the recording where we dialogue and discuss our experiences and discoveries in the areas of React and Respond.

Please forward this e-mail to anyone who you think would like to be on our e-mail list for this launch, as there will be some valuable information and products available for FREE, for EVERYONE, Tuesday April 1st.

NO FOOLING!

Let us know if you have any questions!

Blessings

Cynthia and Steven Wand

Speakers, Authors, Transformational Coaches

Specializing in Relationships and Living from the Heart

http://www.livingtheheartlife.com

801-571-6138

"Wheresoever you go... go with all your heart"

A Stroke of Inspiration

This amazing clip came across our screen this week. We wanted to pass it on.

It's an amazing story about a brain scientist and her spiritual experience. It is about 20 minutes long so sit back and soak it in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU

I Am Legend... NOT

I skipped out of the house today, while my older daughter was having her 15th birthday celebration with her friends. I decided to treat myself to a movie. I made a bad choice.

I Am Legend with Will Smith– another dreary depiction of a possible future here on earth. "God has a plan." "There is no God!" an angry Will Smith yells. A deadly virus resulting from a supposed cure for cancer killed 95% of earth's population and only a lucky few are holding up in the beautiful hills of Vermont.

I walked out into the parking lot, snow gracefully drifting to the pavement and I felt grateful. Grateful that my family was at home celebrating another year of my daughter's life, grateful that I have a different vision of what our collective future holds, and grateful that I know the universal life force that created this planet, by whatever name you call it, has given us free agency to do what our true nature of love can only do and that is to expand, become more and create only beauty.

I Am, which we each are, is legend. Now it is time to be it!

Blowing Bubbles

The heat is being turned up. Or should I say the Love is being turned up. Just a couple of weeks ago Cynthia was in a facilitator training session where the topic of discussion was around the metaphor of Moses and the parting of the Red Sea. Now James Twyman's and Drew Heriot's, the Moses Code, is hitting the internet airwaves.

The cosmic message is clear. The divine power within and around each of us is chomping at the bit, so to speak, to work through us, but like Moses, we get to believe in our selves so much that we stand before any obstacle and say, "thou shall not stand in my way!" (not that that's what Moses said, but you get the point)

In Cynthia's training, "blowing bubbles" was the mantra for the evening. Not until the water is over our heads, not until we are 101% committed to turning our life ship around in an empowering direction and taking the necessary action will the sea of obstacles part, and a clear path of where our hearts are guiding us to travel will reveal itself.

The time of becoming masters is here. But doing it alone is impossible. Books, coaches, supportive friends and of course your divinity is there to accompany you on the journey. Embrace yourself, stand before any challenge or limitation that is before you and start blowing bubbles. An oxygen tank will be nearby!

Celebrating Death

Funerals are not high on my list of things to attend. After my father's funeral, when I was eleven, I think I decided they were something to be avoided.

Recently however, I couldn't avoid one. I wanted to support a friend in need. Her husband, after two of their three children had ended their own lives, decided he couldn't stand the pain any longer and ended his life.

The mortuary was packed to capacity. Speakers spoke of this man's "deamons" and hardships primarily and added a few stories of a lighter note. I left the service feeling less than inspired. I felt cheated in truth. I felt once again, a gathering of a couple of hundred souls disbanded, leaving no more connected than when they entered the dreary building cloaked in pain and suffering.

Had I been asked to speak (and would have the composure to get through a talk) I would have involved the audience. I would have asked them what this man's life, however he lived it, taught them about their life. "What are your addictions?" I would have asked. "When do you want to check out of the game of life?" "How are you accountable for this soul's decision to leave?" If we can't learn about how we are living our life from another's passing then we miss a valuable opportunity. I would have then had the audience stand, hug their neighbor and reach up to the heavens and sing something like Led Zepplin's "Stairway to Heaven" or "The Sound of Music" or something to connect us at the heart!

Whether we choose to exit this third dimensional reality on our own accord, or let disease or degeneration be the more acceptable cause, death is but another event in a day that we have a choice in how we respond to it. Is it something to mourn or is it something to celebrate. Death is primarily mourned because we don't live each day as whole, responsible, loving beings able to move into the next day undaunted by a loved one's passing. Death is usually mourned because of how low our expectations of ourselves have been. How little we loved. How little we grew our light with the soul who made their exit.

My funeral will be fun. My funeral will be a celebration of all my screwups, successes, friends, family and journey to the next grade in The School of Cosmic Enlightenment. My funeral will be filled with love and light because I will have made an effort to require myself and those in my world to live from that higher place, not from disconnection, fear and scarcity. So if you want to come to a fun funeral come into my world and let me come into yours.

Oh and one other thing...if you die before me, don't expect me to come unless it's a party!

Book Signings

Cynthia and I experienced our first book signing event yesterday. I was very apprehensive about it, fearing the worst – that no one would show up! In addition to those unproductive thoughts, much of the marketing advice out there suggests that a new author should not expect too much from book signings.

I am pleased to report however that although the store was not filled to capacity, we had a very attentive, intimate gathering and an hour later there were more books sold than people attending our presentation. I would say 120% conversion rate is rather telling.

It confirms our knowing that there is an epidemic "need" for soulful information to support individuals who are longing to have more meaning in their life. There may not be a mass "wanting" of transformational assistance but the numbers are growing. Everyone at our gathering last night are committed to raising the bar in their life and for that we are grateful and we know that Living the HeartLife...Letting Go of the Hard Life will be of great support to them in their journey towards freedom and away from limitations.

Shatterproof Dreams

A couple of weeks ago, we had the experience of being stripped of a few of our possessions. As our car sat alone on the freeway, on a cold wintery night, waiting for us to return, and drive her home, some one or some bodies helped themselves to all the stuff we had inside. Shattered glass, strewn papers and about $2,000 worth of personal items missing was the scene of the crime.

Being the authors of a book entitled Living the HeartLife...Letting Go of the Hard Life we immediately got to experience our reaction to the incident and then our eventual responding to the incident.

Being stripped of material possessions is not new to Cynthia and I. This is our second auto theft with the customary trip to the auto glass shop the day following. Hearing this time that our insurance will only cover $200 was yet another opportunity to respond from a higher perspective than getting sucked into the anger towards those choosing to violate our property.

Cynthia and I have been pondering the significance of this event. There are many meanings we could attach to it - some make us feel fairly irresponsible, some make us feel like we're being sent a very special message from the cosmos. So where do we sit with it today?

We've decided to sit out on the limb of a metaphorical, 100-year-old oak tree, our feet swaying back and forth looking down at this event and our life in general. We're smiling, taking in a deep breath, raising our heads upwards, closing our eyes and silently repeating over and over, forgive them, they know not what they do. In this prayer we include ourselves and we feel peaceful and go on about our lives, not being stopped by others who throw little bits of debris upon our path. We choose to respond, step over or around the obstacles and move forward our hearts charting the way.

Deserving and Powerful Women

Last night my friend Angela and I preformed at a private art showing fundraiser for an organization supporting women who have been victims of abuse. The event was titled "A tribute to battered women", with a red x over the word battered and replacing it with the words Deserving and Powerful.

The women's art was very moving and creative. All artists in the event have been victims of abuse in one form or another and are in their healing processes. The creation and expression of their art is supporting their own healing as well as those viewing it.

This was the second public performance for Angela and I with our "Yoga Beyond the Mat" artistic expression, and our piece we shared last night was entitled " A Portrait of Self Love" inspiring us all to be and share our light.
In our yoga flow, the poses and movement were all in a partner yoga format, where we were always moving and breathing as one and yet there for each other – it was extremely beautiful!

We began walking from opposite sides of the room to then meet in the center standing face to face connected at our hearts, as we acknowledged each others light in Anjuli Mudra.
We then began to move in and out of breath and movement to music that spoke of awakening. We supported each other, lifted each other, held each other, balanced each other, leaned on each other, trusted one another, and embraced.

The expression was designed to inspire, particularly women who are deserving and powerful, which I believe is ALL women deep down in their hearts. I have a strong passion to support and celebrate women, to inspire them to first and foremost acknowledge their own light and then as that grows they begin to support themselves, lift themselves, hold themselves, create more balance in their lives, and truly embrace who they really are.

This event caused me to be more aware of how abuse permeates this society, and how we can begin to dissolve it by being a stand for each other in finding our assertiveness, our own voice, feeling deserving of being honored, and being and sharing our light.

When women can be on that path they will no longer accept being abused, violated, humiliated or shamed. They will stand up for what they want, their feminine spiritual power will be their shining, guiding light, and they will know what they deserve and are here to contribute. Any opportunity I can take to be a catalyst for that, I Cynthia Wand am 110% ready to do!

A Puzzling Life

I've been working on a jigsaw puzzle since Christmas day, 2007.  It's only a 700 piece puzzle but it's the biggest and hardest one I've taken on.  Almost every night after our girls are in bed, I come out to the living room, sit down on the floor and survey the progress.  Some nights are fruitful with many pieces laid down, other sessions last only a few minutes with maybe only three or four pieces found.

As I have studied the process of putting this puzzle together, I have noticed the metaphoric implications to my life.

• Finding the straight-edged pieces first and creating the framework – childhood.

• Looking for similarly colored pieces and focusing my attention on each of these areas – teens.

• Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed to the point of wanting to throw all the pieces back into the box! – adulthood (maybe once a week)

• Turning a corner when there are now more pieces put together than there are loose.  The full picture is emerging and it's beautiful!  The momentum has shifted and I'm now laying down several pieces within minutes. – adulthood (for me, in the fifties)

In the past, I've wanted to hurry through the puzzle, just to get it done.  This year I've been patient.  If it takes me until June, then so be it.  I'm enjoying being able to to see this beautiful scene take form piece by piece, day by day – something I get to practice out in the bigger puzzle of my life.

Now imagine that each piece of this puzzle represented one month in my life.  That would mean it would take me to about sixty years old.  Wow, not too far from where I am.  I think next Christmas I'll go for at least the 1,000 piece!

Welcome to our Living The HeartLife™ Blog

Living the HeartLife...Letting Go of the Hard Life.  It's what we write about, it's what we practice, it's what we assist others in trying on – not like a hot new pair of fashionable jeans but like an exfoliated, essential-oiled, lightly massaged layer of skin.  Something that feels yummy to slip on and into, something that's a part of you wherever you go.

Will this new skin last?  It depends on how you care for it.

Will this new skin fit perfectly?  It's tailored just for you.

Will this new skin always be in style?  It depends on how much you enjoy being a trendsetter.

Will this new skin be expensive?  It's priceless and it's free.

Where can I get mine?  The directions are within your Heart.

See you there! 

Cynthia and Steven Wand
Living The HeartLife, LLC
Sandy, Utah
www.livingtheheartlife.com