Celebrating Firsts... Embracing Lasts

So, many of us just celebrated Mother's Day, and for some it may have been the same traditional celebration.

Breakfast in Bed
Brunch at the Country Club or your favorite restaurant
Church with the family
Dinner at Grandmas
Picnic at the park or beach
A hike or bike ride in nature
Sleeping in bed and getting pampered at a spa

In the past this describes many a mothers day celebration that we have had in our family, and yet for us this year we experienced something that was definitely a first and are doing our best to embrace the finality of it.

My mother-in-law Barbara was just diagnosed 4 weeks ago with stage 4 breast and bone cancer and is embracing that this was her last mother's day. I guess there is always that chance that something will change, or the diagnosis is wrong, or the miracle healing will occur, and for Barbara she is facing each day now with the reality of lasts, embracing, truly hoping that this happens fast, being o.k. with the daunting truth and the current realities of lasts.

This is the last time I will:

go to movie
ride a bus
come to see the girls preform at school
fix my own food in my kitchen
go to the doctor, hospice has now moved in.
go to the mailbox
shower by my self
feed myself
sleep in my own bed of 25 years, the hospital bed just arrived.

I share this with you to not sound morbid or depressing but to share with you what is amazing about this whole entry. As we experienced our first mothers day knowing it will be the last mothers day with Barbara, she is embracing the fact that this is her last. She is ready to go, she is in gratitude for her life as it has been, for her children, and all the people around her that want to be there to usher her out, she is grateful and ready to move on.

As the lasts get more frequent for her every day, it causes me to stop and be present to all of the things each day that I take for granted. It causes me to have the desire to consciously each day, create more firsts, celebrate the firsts and amp up the firsts, especially at 50. Why should the firsts begin to lessen?

Here are some I am looking to create and celebrate this summer:

• Doing headstands in public places, just because I can and it sounds crazy and fun.
• Going on a beach summer vacation with our girls on a plane.
• Facilitating yoga experiences for abused women.
• Creating a neighborhood block party and inviting ALL of our neighbors, especially those we have never even seen.
• Sending a media packet to Oprah
• Driving with my baby Sophie, now 15, who will be practicing and honing her driving skills.

The following firsts I will also truly celebrate because I feel it is a gift and honor, and know they will also be lasts.

• Assisting Barbara to the bathroom while managing her oxygen tube.
• Making her food
• Cleaning her house
• Doing her laundry
• Holding her hands and talking, while compassionately looking into her tear filled eyes.
• Listening deeply from my heart about how she feels about dying.

As for the lasts, well I am still working on embracing those, I have not quite gotten to the level of detachment where I can embrace that this is the last time I will look into those eyes, the last time I will kiss her cheek, the last time we will laugh together, yet each day as she is embracing them, it is assisting us all to do the same.

Celebrating firsts.... Embracing lasts,

What a gift you are giving us all.

Happy Mother's Day Barbara, we love you, and thank you!

Cynthia

"Beauty is all around us.... Beauty is all inside of us" Majik